The Magic Joke
by ThisIsMyPlan
Summary: Arkham City ended much differently then you remember. With Harley and a new henchman by his side, Joker has escaped to Britain after stealing the knowledge of the Lazarus Pits. Of course he gets deaged too much when they use it for the first time and is now a kid; yet this leads to an interesting development. What is this school called Hogwrats? And it ready for the Joker?


_**The Magic Joke**_

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 **Chapter 01: ARKHAM ENDING**

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An explosion rocked the building as Catwoman spun around, bullets flying around her. Her claws came down across the soldier's face, slashing it up as he yelled in pain. She dodged his partner's shots, flipping over the guys head to knock out his knees and break his neck. She calmly walked up to the soldier she had cut a moment ago, who now lay on the ground with a cut eyeball, only to smash his throat in with her heels.

Catwoman looked around the room surveying her work. Bodies lay strewn about, little match for her superior agility. She turned around and picked up the briefcases with her loot, ears picking up the chatter on the radio, "Direct hit! I repeat, direct hit on the Steel Mill. Target is down!" Selina's eyes widened and she walked out of the vault, eyes on the screen just outside with a video feed showing Batman's downed body.

"Very good. Continue with Protocol 10; we will send a team later to pick up the body." The soldiers acknowledged their orders and their helicopters buzzed over the sky, blowing up buildings as they carried out Strange's orders. Catwoman walked up to the screen looking at the body of the man she may or may not have a thing for.

"It would be so easy to leave him behind," Selina muttered, eyes sweeping over to the door that lead out of the insanity that was Arkham City. Quickly her head swiveled back, gazing at the door back into the prison, "Don't Selina; you'll never be able to live with yourself." Licking her lips, she weighed her options, as different as they were. Was she willing to risk it all for the Bat?

She turned to Gotham's door, "He'll be fine... He's Batman after all." Selina walked slowly to the large door, her mind unable to get the broken images of the Steel Mill out of her mind. Was she really able to leave Batman, Bruce, behind? Licking her lips, she opened the door taking a step out into the surprisingly fresher air of Gotham. Selina took a few steps forward. After all, she was a criminal, a committed one at that. How would she ever be able to be with a symbol like the Bat?

Catwoman straightened her back, cooling walking forward, up the steps that led to the street just outside the vault of Arkham City. She didn't need him, same way he didn't need her. She left, leaving behind only two words in her wake...

"Screw him."

 **MISTAHJMISTAHJMISTAHJMISTAHJ**

"Direct hit! I repeat, direct hit on the Steel Mill. Target is down!" came from the radio she was using to listen in to Strange's broadcasts. Talia's eyes went wide. She had felt the explosion earlier from the direction of the Steel Mill, but she had hoped her beloved had made it out alive. She had hoped he would escape and track her with the tracker he had put on her agent to find her the first time but now, now that plan seemed useless.

A dark chuckle came from behind her, causing her to jolt a bit, "Oh what's wrong? Batsy got you so sentimental you forgot his greatest opponent was walking behind you," Joker's voice descended into a dangerous sneer as he leered at her. Talia's guard flew back up- in truth, the news had shaken her enough to make her forget for a second. The green-haired villain laughed, "Oh I'm sorry my dear if I scared you, it's just you see, I was supposed to kill the Bat."

The Joker's seemingly constant maniacal grin had turned into an even more terrifying snarl, his lips curling back as hate flashed in his eyes, "He was mine, mine to destroy, mine to prove to him, to prove that life is just one big JOKE!" His fist slammed into the wall of the building they were next to as Talia watched with guarded silence. The villain was panting heavily, worked into a rage.

"I'm, I'm not just some criminal- he- he- hehehehe, he CREATED me!" A hand ran through the Joker's hair as his teeth ground against each other, "He knocked me into the acid, turned me into who I was, locked me up again and again and again after foiling my plans again and again and again and yet I wasn't the one to kill HIM!" A hysterical laugh, one mixing anger and happiness together came forth.

"I- I don't even know how to feel. The big bad Bat is dead, the world ripe for the taking! Yet still I stand here, still as ANGRY as before, as ANGRY as when I first was THROWN to the GROUND by him!" The Joker took deep breathes in an attempt to calm himself, shaking his head to clear it, "Well, hehe, at least, hehehe, at least I have immortality awaiting me! That I can simply not wait for!"

The Assassin froze for a moment. She couldn't let this madman get in the Lazarus Pit. She had only made the offer before so she could buy Batman time to get up and stop the man but this, this wasn't something she planned for. She couldn't direct him to attack Hugo- her father had set the man up for this and the Doctor had succeeded in his task of surpassing her beloved.

That said, she couldn't let the Clown anywhere near the entrance- if she failed there, he easily could retreat and bring his goons with him to take care of the situation. No, the best, and only way for her to win in this situation was to take care of him now and fast. The laugh of the Joker caused her to look over at him again.

The Clown Prince of Crime was looking at her with a grin, "So, hehehe, you're not going to take me to your little secret of immortality I take it?" He cracked his neck, rolling his shoulders, "Not that I expected you too. I know about that little tracker on the front of your suit-" His wicked grin gleamed, "Painfully obvious to be perfectly blunt!" he said as Talia internally cursed the Joker's unexpectedly keen eyes for catching that.

"Hoo-hoo, unfortunately, well, let's say that doesn't make me very happy," The Joker got an evil look in his eyes, causing Talia to drop into a stance, sword flashing out in front of her, inches away from the Joker's face, which he eyed nastily. "Well well, I do like to get right to the point, hehehe, but I feel like I should hold out on the main event I have planned for… whoever you work for."

Talia's eyes narrowed- her father may be a scumbag but she would not tolerate this demented excuse for a waste of air to threaten him in such a way, "Give me one reason why I should not just gut you where you stand." The Joker laughed, gently pushing the blade away from his face with a finger.

"Hehehe, well, if you really want one, I can't give it to you. But I'll give you a reason why you won't be able to hurt me," The Joker said with a grin. Talia's eyes widened and she began to turn around but a hand plunged a syringe into her neck, causing the world to go fuzzy around her, her vision shifting as she fell to the ground blacking out.

 **MISTAHJMISTAHJMISTAHJMISTAHJ**

"Batman." He barely heard the voice as he swam back to the world of the living. Blinking, trying to get the spots of black out of his eyes, Batman saw blue kneeling over him. He heard the hiss of air and the distorted voice came again- only this time he realized it was intentional, "Batman. Wake up. We must move quickly." His vision finally settled and the Dark Knight realized who exactly he was looking at.

"Freeze? What are you doing here? I thought you were back at the GCPD building?" Freeze rolled his eyes from underneath his helmet and helped pull the rubble up and off Batman, enough for the caped crusader to roll out from underneath with a tired groan.

The super-villain lowered the rubble he was holding and began to speak, "It was the least I could do after you found Nora, Batman. I was actually on my way to pick her up when they activated Protocol 10." Batman froze as he heard the pain in Freeze's voice, "They hit the building she was in Batman. Nora... she didn't make it. The blast didn't destroy her, but the equipment keeping her cool was gone."

Freeze's hand clenched, "I couldn't save her Batman. I stood over her as she woke up, saw her smile at me, heard her last words. But being in cyrofreeze for so long made surviving even a walk back to the GCPD building impossible- excluding Protocol 10 being in effect." Freeze growled and grabbed his gun as he began to walk towards the now open door he had come in through.

Batman followed behind him, "I'm assuming you helped me out so I can help you get revenge on Strange." Freeze paused, turning back to Batman slowly, seemingly about to say something. Batman brushed past him, "I'll help you Freeze. You won't be killing him, but we need to stop this. Talia is in danger but..." His fists clenched, "Nora was an innocent. All these criminals deserve justice. So many are political prisoners who did nothing wrong. We take down Strange first."

Mr. Freeze looked at Batman, understanding on his face, "You speak of this Talia like how I spoke of Nora when I was young- full of want, desire and regret. I never expected less of the Batman but... in a way, to know it is a struggle for you makes you even more Batman than I would have expected, if you understand what I mean."

The Dark Knight looked over at Freeze and nodded, "I do." He started walking again, heading towards the hole Freeze had made in the wall to get into the Steel Mill. As the two walked out, Batman watched explosions rock different sections of the city, stomach churning, "Oracle. I need to find the codes to get into Wonder Tower."

"Oh my god," Oracle exclaimed over the radio, Alfred sighing in relief in the background, "We thought you were dead Bruce!" The Caped Crusader let her lecture him for another moment, to let her get her shock and worry out of her city.

"I'm alright Oracle. Mr. Freeze helped me out." Batman looked over at the scientist, "His wife got caught in a missile strike. She didn't make it out. We're heading to take down Strange and stop this. I need to get the codes for the Tyger Systems so I can break into Wonder Tower." Batman looked over at Freeze, who was talking into his own radio, "What are you doing Freeze."

The super villain glanced at the Bat, "I am merely gathering as many men as I can. I've sent out a city-wide call for inmates to storm the Wonder Tower. I'm patching through to Two-Face. Penguin isn't dead but his men are almost gone. We will coordinate an attack on the Tower to cover you." Mr. Freeze was distracted by his radio, "Yes, Two-Face? This is Freeze. I'm here with Batman. We're stopping Strange..."

Batman nodded at his now-ally and ran, grappling up to a rooftop high above him, "I'm assuming I'll have to scan each of the individual choppers to figure out where the Master Codes are being stored. One of them has to carry them after all." Oracle agreed and Batman ran across the rooftops, getting in range of a chopper.

Quickly he scanned it, only to receive a negative reading. Grinding his teeth in frustration, Batman grappled to a nearby building, using the grapple boost to launch himself into the air. Gliding he got in range of one of the larger buildings' gargoyles. Landing, he began scanning again, first one, then another, then another. Negative, Negative, Negative.

He saw one of them heading towards another a building so he launched himself again, gliding over to the rooftop. Rolling as he landed, he pulled himself up and began scanning the helicopter. Positive! With a grim smile, Batman aimed his gun and launched his grapple hook, attaching it to the underside of the chopper. He quickly zoomed up to the aircraft, hanging off one of the landing legs.

Batman ripped open the underside, exposing the vehicle's console. Grabbing his cryptographer, he held it up to the machine, downloading the codes from its computer. With a ding, he had the information he needed, "Oracle, I have the codes. I'm going to head into the building and put an end to this madness."

"Batman," Freeze's voice came in over a public channel, "I'm starting at the front gate. We're going in from there. If you can let us in, we'd appreciate it." Batman mentally chuckled; he really needed a second private channel for things like this. He dropped of the helicopter, using his cape to glide across the city. Using his grapple boost, he quickly pulled himself up to one of the nearby buildings.

He was close enough to the front gate to see the mayhem. Freeze was using his cannon to blast large swaths of the nearby buildings frozen, also taking out the occasional helicopter that showed up. Already criminals were running out, some armed, some not, and engaging Tyger forces. Batman saw them all- Penguin's remaining men, random inmates; Two-Face's crew was even showing up.

Gliding over to the railing on the other side of the main gate, Batman quickly engaged the snipers there, taking them down in moments. He went to the door behind them, the sound of gunfire behind him ringing. After a moment he cracked the code and went into the control room. "Oracle, Look though this system. Where's the controls to open the front gate?"

"I'm looking..." Oracle said as she looked through the data, "It looks like the controls are in here, but they're encrypted. Use the codes to break in and it'll take the flick of a digital switch to let your... friends inside the Wonder Tower." Batman pulled out his cryptographer and broke the code.

Soon, the gunfire outside quieted so Batman opened the gates before dropping down in front of them. Standing in front of the gates were Freeze with his cannon, Two-Face with a grenade launcher, and dozens of inmates. Two-Face chuckled, "We're a bit surprised Batman. Helping out criminals like us."

Batman said nothing for a moment, "I would help keep everyone of you alive if I could. True, you deserve prison and worse but what Strange is doing is unacceptable." The Dark Knight turned back to the Tower, "You two lead the inmates from the bottom up. Draw as many of the guards as possible away from Strange."

Two-Face grinned and turned to Freeze, "Hey, stay out here. That cannon will be best used keeping any idiot guards from trying to come from behind." Freeze nodded his agreement and Batman ran into the facility, ducking into the shadows as Two-Face walked behind him at a slower pace, "Let's light this bastard up boys!" With a cheer, the inmates ran in ahead of Two-Face, storming the Tower.

 **MISTAHJMISTAHJMISTAHJMISTAHJ**

"Search her." Joker said, leaning over Talia's body in the nearby safe house, "I wouldn't be surprised if Ms Deadly still has my cure." He looked up, eyes boring into his assistant, "You know for a fact it was her who tied you up like that back at the Steel Mill?"

Harley nodded, eyes full of flaming anger, "Of course puddin! This bitch took your cure and left me tied up there! B-Man left me there too! If B-Jack hadn't gotten me out when they started their little Protocol 10 thing, I'd be blown up right now!" She leaned on the table as she flashed a smile to the previously mentioned henchman who had saved her.

Joker rolled his eyes, "Well I'm glad he got you out- Blackjack my boy, search her! Come on now, don't be shy," The sickly clown said, clapping his third-in-command on the back, "What, afraid to touch the woman? Can't blame you, Batsy does seem to have a thing for the dangerous types. It's why we get along so well!" The Joker laughed for a moment before coughing horribly.

Blackjack was a young man, around Harley's age really, that Joker had found in Arkham Asylum years ago during one of his frequent, ah, visits. The kid was considered a bit unstable, what with him performing experiments on people that unfortunately were quite lethal. Batman had arrested him and thrown him in the Asylum. At that time the kid was just a nerdy stick figure- why, without the Joker, one of the others would have had him for breakfast!

Now though, after the Joker's training (not always personally, he was a busy man), Blackjack was 6' 1" of lean muscle and precision. He was a decent hand-to-hand fighter though nowhere near Batman's level. The black-haired kid also retained his genius intellect and brilliance. He would've made a good super villain if he was more charismatic. But he wasn't and he owed his life to Joker so he worked for him; Joker found he was a calming force on him and Harley, which was good for planning.

His third rolled his eyes at his boss, "I'm sure Batman would disagree about your relationship's nature," but he began searching Talia. He popped off the tracker on the front of her suit, "Look like she gave the Bat a trail to follow boss." He tossed it to the Joker who looked it over once before setting it down, more concerned about his cure. "Got it."

In his hand he held a vial of purplish liquid which the Joker easily grabbed and drank. He almost drank all of it before Blackjack stopped him. Harley punched him in the shoulder, only a little annoyed, "Hey what's up B-Jack? Whatcha stoppin' Mistah J for?" The Henchman rolled his eyes at the girl as he turned up the radio.

"Batman," Freeze's voice came in over a public channel, "I'm starting at the front gate. We're going in from there. If you can let us in, we'd appreciate it." Both Joker and Harley were rocked- Batman was alive?! Harley was quietly fuming in her head, angry that B-Man managed to survive again while Joker was laughing hysterically. Of course he survived! Why would he not- he's the goddamned Batman!

"Do you want Batman to live boss?" The Joker froze, eyes locked on the vial in front of him as Harley looked at her fellow henchman in confusion. Blackjack continued, "He's your greatest rival and a pain in the ass to deal with but..." The Joker knew what his third meant. He had been so, so pissed off at Strange for killing his rival, but now that he was calm he could think clearly.

What was the Batman to him? They were Yin and Yang, total opposites in every way. In a way, he was the shadow of Batman- for without Batman he never would have existed. Without that flying rodent he would have be a normal person and wasn't that a laugh! Without the Bat life would be so much easier. Yet... what was it that made him truly smile? Killing people? No- well, yes actually, but Batman was something completely different.

He could drink the rest of the vial, erase the cure from existence and watch Batman die from sickness, his final joke on the Bat. But was he ready for that last laugh, that final joke? He didn't want to admit it but he had noticed an awful trend. Every time he got a little closer to killing Batman, he also got closer to being killed himself.

Even this time- he had actually been sick, actually DYING. If Batman wasn't around to help procure his cure, he would be pushing up daisies from six feet under. The Joker hummed, twirling the vial around his fingers. Truly, without the Batman by their side it was very likely they would send less… merciful troops to deal with him, troops that likely would kill on sight.

"Guess you're right kid," The Joker said, leaning back in his chair. Harley looked disappointed but he continued, "The Bat is the most likely to foil our plans, but I don't want a deadlier version of him showing up. Say, how's about we give Batsy back his lady-friend like I did with his second little birdie?"

Harley happily cackled as Blackjack nodded, "If we use my machine it will kill her and take her memories. I have a group of guys in the garage with an armored van." He picked up the tracking device, "We stick this on the corpse and send it as far north as possible. Should give us time to get out of here."

Oh yes, Blackjack's lovely little machine. It was actually the reason he got thrown into Arkham to begin with. It involved stabbing a couple rods into the person's temple after hooking yourself up to the other end. Activate it and presto! You get the person's memories and they die from the treatment!

This obviously infuriated ol' Batsy so the Dark Knight grabbed him and locked him up. "Great idea old boy! Harley dear," The Clown Prince said to his girlfriend, "Go get the boys ready. Tell them they have a special assignment and that it's a doozy!" Harley nodded happily and bounced off after giving the Joker a hug.

The green-haired villain frowned, "I don't know how to feel about her sometimes you know?" Blackjack nodded but stayed silent, waiting for his boss to rouse himself from his musing. "Question kid. Why shouldn't I get all her memories and her oh so lovely knowledge of the Lazarus Pits? Trying to keep them from me?"

His third shook his head, "I'm not but I can't let you take the memories. It's the whole reason I was put in Arkham in the first place. You never saw this as they kept me in isolation at first. " Blackjack sighed, "When I tried the equipment the first time I didn't realize that every memory was transferred. So I had every moment of his thirty years of life in my head- basically had another person in my head, with more memories than me."

The Joker watched his henchman with a raised eyebrow, "Sir, my body was basically taken over by the memories. Sometimes I would think I was him, other times myself. It's why they thought I went crazy. I eventually sorted it all out- they of course thought they had done it -so they put me in with you all."

Rolling his neck, The Joker leaned back, balancing on the back legs of his chair, "So if I hear you right, taking someone's memories is like suddenly stuffing two people into a single body- hoo-hoo! Wouldn't that be a trick! But I get your point. I'm already more than slightly off my rocker- why, I'd be concerned for your safety too if I were you!"

Blackjack laughed, "I agree. As much as I owe you, I'd still like to have a some-what sane man for a boss. I at least know how to separate the memories from my own." He went over to a nearby door and unlocked it. "My machine is in here. I'll do the memory transfer while you're setting things up for our escape from Batsy."

The Joker saluted his henchman before standing up with a laugh, "What-eva ya say kiddo! Just don't have too much fun time alone with her hee-hee, hehehehe!" The Clown gave his third a lazy wave as he left the room; Blackjack shook his head, a small smile on his face as he picked up Talia and went to strap her in.

 **MISTAHJMISTAHJMISTAHJMISTAHJ**

"Acti-Activate P-Protocol... *cough* 11, password... Bruce... Wayne..." Strange rasped out as he died in Batman's arms, the caped crusader unable to do anything to save the man. Ra's Al Ghul looked at his ex-pawn, the man he had just fatally backstabbed, with horror.

"Strange, what have you done-?" Batman looked up as the sudden sound of the computer activating a countdown on a nearby screen. The Dark Knight jumped up and ran to Ra's, pushing the man through the glass as the Wonder Tower exploded around both of them.

Launched out of the building, Batman lost his hold of Ra's, the man flying out through the air, his body tumbling in the air. With a grunt, Batman dived down to catch up with the assassin, reaching him in a second and grabbing the man. Ra's eyes widened at Batman's grasp as the superhero pulled the man in so he could glide them both to safety.

Acting with a second thought, Ra's grabbed his sword, twirling it around to point it at himself. Realizing what he was planning, Batman let go of Ra's, barely escaping the sword point that came through his chest as the assassin plunged it through himself. Spreading his cape, Batman glided down, landing in front of Freeze and some goons as Ra's body was impaled on the pointed center of Arkham City's main gate.

Freeze looked at Batman calmly while the goons took a step or two back, a bit freaked out by the explosion and the Bat flying down with a body. "I see you brought a friend with you. I'm assuming Strange was the cause of the explosion that has destroyed the top of the Tower?" Batman nodded.

"Ra's was Strange's financial backer; they were in on this together but Ra's decided Strange had failed when I beat him. He stabbed Strange in the back but the doctor managed to activate a self-destruct sequence before he died." Freeze nodded and was about to say something when Two-Face's voice came through a nearby radio.

"Hey Freeze! Please tell me that explosion killed that bastard Batman. I lost one of the boys who was a bit too eager and got crushed by some debris, but..." Freeze gave a chuckle, his voice distorted by his armor. Batman nodded to the villain and hurriedly began to walk off.

"No Two-Face, Batman made it out. The explosion was Strange's last actions on this world..." Batman stopped listening as he grappled to the top of a nearby building, pulling up his remote controls to the Batcomputer, planning to go after the Joker and Talia now that the whole mess with Strange was over.

His private channel crackled to life, "Bruce? I see you're rerouting the Wayne Satellites to help you search for Talia. I take it that means you are alive, unharmed and not in a Tower being blown to smithereens?" Batman mentally chuckled at Barbara's mini-lecture; perhaps it would have been smart to call in first.

"I'm fine Oracle. Ra's was backing Strange but decided that since Strange failed to beat me, he wasn't worth having around anymore. The explosion was Strange's last act of revenge. As for Ra's, well, let's just say he's going to need a trip to a Lazarus Pit." Batman stopped as a nearby screen crackled to life, Joker's face showing up on it.

The Clown gave the Dark Knight a wide smile, cackling, "Hiya Batsy! Having fun up there with ol' Sharpie boy? I mean, I'm assuming it was a BLAST!" The Joker descended into hysterical laughter as Batman's fist tightened in anger, "well, assuming you're as predictable as ever I just managed to piss you off! Explosively one might say, hoo-hoo!"

The green-haired criminal twirled a knife around in his hand, "Well how's about we play a little game to get your mind off things? I know the perfect one! Let's play Hide-And-Seek! It's easy Bats- you just find my van, and boom! You get two-prizes for the price of one! Your lucky lady and enough of the cure to save you. After all," The Joker grinned into the camera evilly, "I can't have you dying on me can I?"

As the screen cut off, Batman began to calibrate the cowl to find the tracker as Oracle spoke through the earpiece, "Batman, you know it's a trap don't you? I doubt Talia will even be in the van- you'll likely get nothing but a van surrounded by goons with sniper rifles." Batman sighed.

"I know Oracle. But this is my only lead to finding Talia." Batman checked his map and pinpointed the location the tracker was in- odd. It was by the North Wall. That only made it more likely it was a trap. "It's likely a trap and I can't help that. In situations in like there's only one thing you can do." Batman jumped off, gliding through the sky.

"Spring the trap."

 **MISTAHJMISTAHJMISTAHJMISTAHJ**

"Hurry it up! Puddin' needs to be outta here before B-Man gets figures out our little trick and comes here, and I don't wanna listen to ya screams of pain as Mistah J blows your toes off for movin so damned slow!" Harley yelled to the henchman unloading things from the vans as Blackjack and Joker looked over the footage in the vault's control room.

"Well, it seems the Cat went ahead and jumped ship while she could. Smart girl. Got out with some good loot too it looks like," The black haired young man said, looking over the screens intently. Joker snorted, waving his hand and running it through his now much fuller black hair.

Blackjack looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah yeah, the oh so noble thief," The super villain said, gesturing with his hands, voice higher than normal, "Leaves her on again off again lover in the dust blah blah blah, bah, who cares." The Joker picked up the radio he had with him, "I'm feeling great after that little dip in the Pit. I'm more concerned with how long it's going to take you to place those explosives?"

The henchman spoke over the radio, "We're placing the last of the bombs boss. Ceiling, floor, the machine itself, the structural supports- we got all of it covered with more explosives than the entire GCPD probably has available." The Joker nodded and with a grin picked up a switch.

"Well then, let's test them out shall we?" He pressed the button, hearing a second of the explosion and screams over the radio before it was all replaced with static. "Sorry boys, but I ain't letting just anyone know where my secrets come from or what I've gained." He threw a glance over at Blackjack, "Are the boys nearly ready?"

His third threw the question to Harley who screamed a bit more at their men, waving her shotgun dangerously at them. He really had to hand it to her- she was rather brainless and all around a bit dense, but she was a good motivator. The same way that the Joker himself was hehe. It was way he had given her the instructions on what to get to the vault, which just so happened to have been cleared out by Catwoman and lead right into Gotham.

It's not like he could've asked Blackjack to do it- he needed the kid with him in case that Lazarus machine had some particularly lethal features in it, but they had been fine. Well, mostly- he had come out from the machine a bit different than he had thought he would but he could roll with it. Honestly so long as Harley didn't freak out over it they would be fine.

"Alrighty puddin' we got everything unloaded-" The young woman stopped dead in her tracks, her gun swinging to point at the Joker who sighed, "And in tha blazes are you and where's Mistah J?!" Blackjack sighed from the computer, rubbing his temples and deciding not to get involved in this quite yet.

"Harley dear," The Clown said, throwing a look at Blackjack, who studiously ignored it, "Please don't be so loud- you completely tuned out the screams and cries of my men being blown into a thousand tiny tiny little pieces. No I'll never be able to hear that simply glorious sound again!"

Harley's gun wavered a bit and she blinked, "Well ya sure sound like Mistah J..." The girl looked at him with a frown, a question that Joker knew was coming forming, "But why ya lookin' like a kid if ya are puddin'?" Joker tried to control his irritation with that being mentioned, though he expected it. Trying, trying... failure.

"If you would be so kind as to NOT say something that makes me want to stick YOUR shotgun up someplace it will HURT and loading you with more lead than a cannonball, I MIGHT be willing to tell you," Joker said, stamping his foot on the ground childishly, causing Blackjack to barely suppress a laugh.

His second-in-command's face cleared, a smile coming on her face, "Oh you're Mistah J alright. How this happen puddin'? That Talia bitch lie to ya? Should we have had tha boys beat her corpse up a bit for ya?" The Joker calmed himself. Damned childish emotions, getting the best of him.

Blackjack answered, "No, he just jumped in before I re-calibrated it to make him 20. Instead it was set for Ra's so it made him 9 instead." The Joker groaned, shoulders slumping a bit in defeat. It was unfortunately true. The kid had told him to wait but, but- well he just got so impatient. Immortality was sitting just right there in front of him, and he couldn't jump into it headfirst?

"Anyways," he said glaring at his two most trusted supporters, "Bats is going after the van with Talia's body in it. It's got the cure too; so he should be distracted long enough for us to get out of here. The boys will stay here. We'll take a few and head to Metropolis before getting out of the country. I don't want Bats tracking us down too soon."

His third nodded as Harley sighed, "But tha States are so nice and its not like I or you know anything other than English Mistah J. How ya going to communicate anyways?" And such was the crux of the problem. Until he could learn a new language, he had to stay in a country with enough English speakers to blend in.

From his side Blackjack answered, "Britain is a good country for us. Well populated, plenty of money to launder and steal- not to mention that the Justice League has few allies there." He gathered up their bags, "Not only that but it is a good stepping stone to the rest of the continent."

Joker contemplated his third's opinion and agreed, "Yes, its quite a quiet country over all- besides those magical incidents that seem to happen more often than not. Eh, but what's a little magic amidst the chaos of America? Britain it is!"

 **MISTAHJMISTAHJMISAHJMISTAHJ**

Meanwhile, across the ocean in a secluded magic school, a new name appeared in the school's registry.

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 **So to recap: Taila is dead, along with Ra's and Strange. Joker knows how to construct Lazarus Pits and use them but accidentally deaged himself to the age of a nine year old. He has another Henchman I created named Blackjack. And now they're escaping the States while Batman is busy with the aftermath of Arkham City. Next chapter we'll be jumping forward a couple years later when Joker's body is 11 and he gets an invitation to a certain famous magic school. Until next time dear readers!**


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